Don’t Be a Conversation Killer

The other night I met some friends for drinks after work. One of the friends-of-friends who showed up announced that she had been laid off from her job and was in the midst of a job search. We were all very supportive, of course, and my first impression of her was, “Wow, she is sharp and is sure to land a great job soon”. However, the more she talked the less impressed with her I became. She is certainly a bright young lady but the endless stream (from my perspective) of pretentious and obnoxious comments that came out of her mouth diminished her overall impressiveness quotient. As I observed her behavior I wondered if she is able to conceal this side of her personality when she interviews for jobs or if her attitude will be a turn off to potential employers?

Let me be clear, this woman didn’t make racist comments, tell dirty jokes, or pick her nose – nothing that obviously uncouth. At every opportunity she inserted mini-stories about her family that were designed to let us know how wealthy and well connected her family is. At one point she spewed a story about how her grandfather had “earned his first $ million by the time he was 20”. The story had nothing to do with anything we were talking about and it seemed kind of jarring and inappropriate – I didn’t know what to say so I just smiled. There was no response I could make to that story except maybe, “Oh that’s nice” or some other meaningless platitude. We weren’t talking about the oil business, grandparents, inherited wealth, or anything remotely relevant to the story she told. I wondered what kind of reaction she thought she was going to get when she shared that information? Her story effectively dead-ended our conversation because she left us in a situation where there was no natural response to what she said so the conversation ground to an uncomfortable halt until someone started the table on a new topic.

That is what got me thinking about how uneven social graces could negatively impact an interview. I hope, for her sake, that she is smoother in interviews than she is in social situations. But even if she has the good sense not to tell stories that emphasize how wealthy her family is I wonder if she knows that in an interview it makes sense to think one step ahead of the game and to always leave the interviewer with a place to take the conversation. Whenever you make a statement think about the kind of reaction a reasonable person might have to what you just said. Think before you speak. Before you tell a story or answer a question think about how you would respond if someone told you whatever you are planning to tell them.

Example (This is not a fictitious example, by the way, this is an actual conversation I had once with someone I interviewed)

Interviewer: Good morning, how are you?

Interviewee: Well I am OK but I have a rash that’s really bothering me.

Interviewer: Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I hope things are going well with you otherwise.

Interviewee: I am sure I will be fine I think I got this rash from my laundry detergent. I need to put more calamine lotion on soon.

Interviewer: Oh, OK. Well here’s my office. Let’s talk about your background and experience…….

This example may seem silly but it really happened and it was not an isolated incident. I have met many other people who have said weird or unprofessional things in interview situations. Both of the examples in this post demonstrate how uncomfortable you can make someone if you don’t think about how your statements will be received and how your statement will change the course of the conversation.

Don’t be a conversational cul de sac – that’s the term I use for people who are dead-ends in any conversation – whenever they have the floor in a conversation they say things to which there are no easy or comfortable responses. If you make it easy for others to converse with you your chances of interviewing well and landing a great job increase dramatically.

Article courtesy of the Recruiting Blogswap, a content exchange service sponsored by CollegeRecruiter.com, a leading site for college students looking for internships and recent graduates searching for entry level jobs and other career opportunities.